a proper update

mesdames et messieurs...

i am officially the worst procrastinator...I have two insanely beyond insane finals tomorrow, and of course, i am writing on this blog : )

i do not think this feels real yet. do you know, i have wanted to come to Paris since before i even began learning French? then, i desired to come because of the idealized image i read about in books, the Paris of the past, the Paris who is at once both denigrated and envied across the world.

now, Paris is still a symbol for me, a symbol of a culture that is intensely complex and fascinating, the symbol of France, a country that I love the ideal of and that I believe I will come to love the actuality of.

i can understand why Parisians are so proud of this city, to the point of snobbery and superiority. they have every reason to. even the dog droppings in this city lend it an atmosphere that makes me quiver. A city like this should not even exist, but Paris does.

This actual Paris seems still unreal, as if I've been plucked from reality and thrown into a dream. The only moments that feel real are when I open my mouth at the boulangerie-patisserie to order a sandwich...

I am almost afraid to breathe here, oddly. On the subway, I hold my breath, I am afraid that if I exhale, the subway will dissolve around me, and I will find myself back in Cambridge.

I have not yet encountered the Parisian "meanness" that some speak about, except perhaps the chastising of the metro ticket-seller for not having adequate change. Or any sketchiness.

I met a quintessential little old man at the entrance of my apartment building today, and he was so adorable (I know I am risking stereotypes by reducing him to a symbol). What really got to me was when he remarked, "Vous etes belle, mademoiselle," which in America would be construed as a perhaps inappropriate, sketchy comment, but for me represents what is so lovely about France. The French appreciate women of all ages.

Who knows, perhaps I'm still seeing Paris through rosy glasses, and I will surely have complaints in a few days or weeks, but I'm already trying to find ways to stay here for the summer...

and yes, the bread is incredibly good. i cannot wait till i have time to actually cook and not have to live off of sandwiches and prepackaged pasta.

vous me manquez.