Museum

I'd always thought myself competent at finding my way, map or not--the natural sense of direction I presumed I inherited from my mother...

Or not, as I walked in circles yesterday, chasing after the wisps of my own coat in front of me...attempting to reach Notre Dame de Paris, that grand cathedral I could see right in front of me, but just could never reach. Sometimes, I feel that it is a metaphor for my own life--I am always looking for something I cannot quite grasp, chasing after my own foolish illusions.

I did finally reach Notre Dame...

Yesterday afternoon was spent at the Musée d'Orsay (Free of charge, thanks to the CUPA student card on which is proclaimed my status as a bona fide art history student). It's such an odd, slightly stomach-turning feeling to see paintings that I've only perused in books, that I know of simply because they are "famous." I wish I had the education to appreciate the paintings for more than the superficial pleasure they give me. I wish I could express in words the feelings, the fitful shivers that certain paintings give me...

Such as this:
















This painting, titled "Comtesse de Keller" (artist Alexandre Cabanel), is the cover of one of my favorite books, "Embers" by Sandor Marai. His elegant, spare prose is like none other I have read, and the painting, representing the character Krisztina, is perfectly reflective of the sombre, shadowed prose.



This post is turning out to be somewhat dark, nostalgic and sad.

There is all this incredible, beautiful lake of culture here, and I feel as though I have done nothing I have learned nothing, to allow me to appreciate everything here. Yes, I know of Proust, of Voltaire, I've read Sartre and Baudelaire and Camus and I've seen the paintings of Manet, Monet...but these really don't mean anything because I really haven't "got" them...haven't understood them and thus I cannot truly appreciate them.

For me, if I could have all the time in the world and not care a whit about anything else...I would retreat to a little house by the sea with a garden...and just read, read, read...forever.